March 2011
1 post
Mother Jones magazine on Tumblr: The best... →
motherjones:
You should, like, strongly consider applying to work for this guy:
We want to add some talent to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune investigative team. Every serious candidate should have a proven track record of conceiving, reporting and writing stellar investigative pieces that provoke change….
July 2010
4 posts
(717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
(410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
(514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we’d have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic
Cover Letter
Dear sir or madam, please giv me job, i’s a engineer and need monies
kthxbai
New Resume
CAKEYSAROUS
Markham, Ontario
SKILLS:
-MAKING NOODLES
-SHINNY
-ROAD HOCKEY DANGLES
-HANDSTANDS!
-RAWWWWWWWWR!
INTENSE!
So I have a line on my hand where normally people have two (a heart and a head line). This is called a Simian line. And depending on who you ask or whose book or website you read, this can mean a couple different things (luckily I seemed to have avoided the Down Syndrome connection!).
One of the few things that seem to remain constant is the notion that people with Simian lines have extreme...
March 2010
1 post
Krippen writes me a story
Casey is awesome. She is the coolest person in the world. If I had to choose to run away to a deserted island, I would take her with me and lots of food so I wouldn’t have to eat her. That would make me sad. Also we wouldn’t run we would take a boat cuz casey doesn’t like getting wet. And on the island it would never rain .. ever …
December 2009
1 post
Random story generator gave me this
It all started when our overrated adventurer, Casey, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly stunned, Casey deflowered a gerbil, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, she realized that her beloved Onions was missing! Immediately she called her so-called buddy, Tony. Casey had known Tony...
October 2009
1 post
Dear KP
You say nice things about ducks.
K
September 2009
3 posts
Dear Mr. Important Prof
Why do you have so many slides when you only have time to fully explain the first half. As much fun as looking at 50 slides in the last 10 minutes is, I don’t think it’s the most effective method for teaching.
I hope the second half of each lecture isn’t as important.
a very bored K
Dear "SUUUUUP?"
I don’t need to say “hi” to you or anyone else every single time I come down the stairs. I go up and down the stairs many times a day. We live in the same house, it is unnecessary, and it’s already over done.
If I’m coming down the stairs with my head down and avoiding eye contact, what part of that body language says I want to have a conversation and/or be...
July 2009
3 posts
I’ve discovered how to knit and finish projects without spending any money or doing any work: knit vicariously through other people’s knitting blogs.
It’s working like a charm, you should see the things I’ve made through other people, freaking gorgeous stuff. It’s great.
“(416): No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and...”
– TFLN - I like to think we all know who this was about… and the area code works too
April 2009
1 post
Dear Andy,
I think you have seen more of my dad than I have lately.
K
March 2009
10 posts
logical inability
What is it? And why does all of Section 007 have it? And why is it very sad?
Results and Discussion
The results from this laboratory were deemed irrelevant since there were several errors to the given materials, the TA is a dumb-ass-jack-shit who thinks he is God’s gift to mechanical vibrations (yes, even those kind of vibrations). This made completing the calculations impossible and frustrating. If the group had wanted to sit in a bathtub full of scissors we would have done that rather than...
Dear Sir/Madam, It has come to our attention that you are under the grave misunderstanding that monkeys are made of chocolate. This is indeed, incorrect. Monkeys are not made of chocolate but rather they are actual living creatures, and if you attempt to eat one, you will die of kidney failure. Don’t eat the monkeys. Monkey Protection Association
Dear Simon, Today, I smelt the whiff of a pretty ruler. It reminded me of that time where you were in that tunnel collapse. I hope this helps you find your pants. Love, Belt Buckles and Suspenders Inc. P.s. maybe is always a good answer, except on a test.
Dear Pat,
I hear some people spell your name like this:
P is for potato
A is for animal
T is for tickles
Love,
French fry
Dear Alan,
I like the smell of roses
You smell like the compost bin.
Love,
Garbage man guy
Dear Jay,
I secretly love you
Like a cookie loves chocolate chips
Love,
Strawberry milk
Dear sir, Your breath makes the dead skin on the floor quiver with fear. Please stop. You are interrupting the scientific experiment investigation the daily life of miniature pig farmers. Thank you, and have a good day. Dust Bunnies (ribbet)
Dear _______ _____ _________,
It grieves me to have to tell you this unfortunate news, but I must. Your pet iguanodon has fallen victim to the President’s trash compactor. You must claim the remains by 2:34pm.
The previous message was interrupted by a mysterious line. If you can see this message please report it to the person on your right. Thank you, and sorry for the inconvenience....
Dear Pat, I’d like to tell you a very important message: I prefer my ice cream with a side of orange juice, that I can just dribble on to the top. I like to pretend it is fudge sauce, because I am too poor to actually have fudge sauce, but I can steal the orange juice from the magic fridgerator machine. On a side note, please do all of Nikki’s dishes, because she’s left them in...